Zoo Adventure

Zoos are fun until someone pulls a groin muscle. That’s what Andre’s step brother Felipe said after dashing to get a look at the flying squirrels. As you can see, there were no flying squirrels present. In fact, most of the zoo animals were hiding. They had gotten sick thanks to some rotten teenager who thought it would be funny to throw soft drink bottles into several of the cages. ::SHAKES FINGER:: There’s nothing funny about abusing animals. Felipe agrees. And if you are wondering, he is doing better after using some icy hot on his netheregions.

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Drivin Ms. Lazy

Hector Valezquez-Polanski, Andre’s mother’s driver, was kind enough to pose for this photo. I don’t get along with her too well. I tell her that what she is doing is enslavement. She insists that she is giving a perfectly capable man a job. I don’t know. What do you think? She pays him in well wishes and half used gas cards. I know it’s not my place to complain, but I hope Hector can finally get his screenplay read by a big Bollywood agent to get the heck away from her. Haha sorry for the swearing

The Rock

Sorry for the lack of posts!!! Andre and I traveled across the sea to visit his family for their big Kwanza celebration coming up this Monday. We were safe and there wasn’t much hassle in the airport other than the peanuts being too salty. We’ll be traveling around Europe a bit in the next few weeks thanks to some long overdue vacation time because I kept my mouth shut. Here’s a picture of Andre’s childhood friend Manny. We joke and call him “Manly” instead of Manny because that’s what he is. Look at those guns! This was taken at the Rock of Gibraltar. It’s part of my world tour to visit all of the famous rocks in the world. Next on the list, Plymouth!

Roy and the Real Girl

My neighbor Roy went to his first winter formal. He’s 19 and has struggled with his studies and girls. His first prom he was all alone. His girlfriend Cari dumped him. That’s when Roy got to work in woodshop class. He made a wooden version of Cari to take with him to the dance. He even used porcelin to make the skin shine. Then for some reason he gave her the same haircut as himself. Here’s to you Roy! You’re a good guy and my most frequent reader. Be careful of splinters.

Ms. Personality – Third Place Winner

I come from a family who always taught me to love someone for their personality over their looks. That’s why when my cousin Clay’s girlfriend Mindy entered a Ms. Personality Contest it was never more evident that Clay was a relative of mine and not a baby from a sexual assault in the street of Mumbai. Mindy didn’t win, but she did come in third place as the title would suggest. She didn’t get a crown, a trophy, or any evidence of the victory. The winner did let her take a picture with the tiara which was nice of her. I guess that’s why she won. She’s always willing to give.

Take That Cancer!

My friend Holly is a Mormon. She’s also bossy. That’s why she dates both Mitchell (left) and Duncan (right). Holly is a cancer survivor. She had cancer of the breast which devasted Mitchell (left and Duncan (right). The cancer was removed through the power of prayer and Mitchell (left) and Duncan (right) are thrilled that their Holly is back to having non-lumpy breasts. They even went all out as to name her breasts, Carmen (left) and Righty (right).

The Next Beethoven

Andre and I went to a concert recently. We’re huge music fans ever since the singer from Creed came into Andre’s work place and demanded a refund. We went to see a band called “Clit Flick” mistaking it for Clint Flick, a good friend of ours who plays the harp. Still, we managed to have fun. The drummer asked us for a beer and we asked him for his shirt. I’m hoping someday they become famous and then I can sell it to the Hard Rock Cafe. Their burgers are da bomb!